Drugs Suck

27/11//08


I've said repeatedly on these pages that you cannot change who you are. This is not
entirely true. Given the right drugs, you can change yourself in major ways. You can feel
good, relaxed, comfortable, you can feel happiness, excitement, you can experience your
life as a great meaningful adventure, you can feel that all of your troubles have been
washed away... for a little while.

For many of us, the only time we ever really feel good is when we're on some drug. Of
course, it's one of life's little ironies that the only thing you have to make you feel good is
also the thing that will destroy your mind, your body, and your life if you do enough of it for
long enough.

I suppose if you're a well-balanced person, you can get high from time to time without
much of a problem, as you don't really need to do it. However, if your life sucks, then
when you find a drug you really like, just doing it occasionally won't be enough for you.
You want to do it every day, you want to do it all the time.

And this unleashes a whole host of problems, and before long your life is fucked up in
every way imaginable. And now you've got all your original problems, plus you're a drug
addict.

Marijuana is fairly mild, as drugs go. I used to smoke it every day, multiple times a day. Do
this long enough, and you become burned out and stupid, and your highest aspiration in
life is to sit in front of the tv watching idiotic reruns while you eat an entire box of twinkies. I
like it too much, so I can't do it at all, this is the only way I can control it. I can still drink, as
I don't like alcohol all that much.

Perhaps I'm going about this all wrong. Maybe the secret to happiness is to gorge
yourself on as many and as much drugs as you can possibly put into your system, until
finally you're a bottomed out drug addict or alcoholic. Then join several 12 step groups,
where you will find your higher power, be part of a spiritual program and a community of
people whose purpose is to help one another live happy, healthy lives.

But my own self-control is keeping me from achieving all that.